Thursday, September 29, 2005

Two Weird Things that Happened Yesterday...

It may be, that depending on how you're counting them, it will work out to more than two weird things...???

i was sitting over at the park; near Waikiki, trying to read the local 'Weekly', that had an article on the various news stories from the past year, or so, that were Not reported in The Orthodoxical News Outlets...!!!
i'm sure that from time to time, you have noticed a 'news' story that you heard about from one source or another, that you thought was decidedly 'newsworthy'-- And yet; It was somehow mislaid or had slipped by the news desks of your chosen Newspaper or Nightly Television World Report...!
So the stories that were forgotten were principally ones having to do with Bush's reign of Terror on Our Democracy & Various, Persistent War Crimes committed by U.S. & British troops in Iraq...
So anyways... While i was working on this article, and the comix,
There was an Hawai'ian lady, approximately 20ish, that was wearing a very skimpy pair of short, short jeans and a torn and unmended halter top... And she was yakking on a Cell phone, Screaming... SCREAMING into it, and occasionally emitting an incredible annoying hyena like shrill that resembled to some degree; Laughter. And-- She was walking around the park, making a circuit that passed directly behind me, about every 10 minutes. All this was VERY annoying! So i tried to endure her for the longest time, perhaps 20 minutes or so, and until i finally decided to move to the other side of the park...!
This is when the weird thing happened... On my way to the other side of the park, i decided, which is quite unlike me, to go over and abrade her...!!! Right when i got up to her, and started telling how very, Very annoying she was, a Man suddenly appeared... And when i say; Suddenly Appeared, i mean: Suddenly Appeared. He didn't seem to have 'Come from' anywhere...??? This lady had been completely alone for this whole time, and while i was walking over to her, i didn't see anyone else around there, in any direction, but then; Suddenly-- He was there... And he was a little intimidating, although he didn't say anything to me, or her, and she didn't seem to acknowledge his presence, as if she Didn't even SEE Him...!!!
So as i wrapped up my tirade at this lady, and she was also yelling at me; although not very creatively, since she simply called me all the names that i was calling her...!!! And i left.
After a few moments, at about 10 steps, i looked back, and she had continued screaming into her cell phone, and the guy was just standing there, STARING at me... He was still not talking to her, and she had not yet acknowledged him...??? And i walked another 20 steps, and looked back; He was still Staring at me, and they were still oblivious to each other... 60 steps... He was still Staring at me...
Until finally i got to the buildings in the middle of the park, and i'd lost them both...
i couldn't see either of them definitively.
That really rattled me...!!!

Later that day; When i was waiting for the bus to take me to where i like to sleep, i decided to get something to eat from the local FoodLand-- i got a can of Chicken Soup and a Can of Guava Juice, and stood in The 6 Items or less lane... This lane was broken up into two lanes; in series, with one registrar beyound the first one...??? When the second one became available, The first one; which had a Japanese couple standing just before me, also became available, or very nearly so... So i walked around them, And a railing, which was actually 'boxing them in' since i was behind them-- and the railing was on one side, the registrar on the other, and the previous customer was still dawdling in front of them... So i walked around to the other registrar, and it seemed to me that the second registrar guy, and the Japanese couple thought that i was 'Cutting'...!!!
So i tried to explain my reasoning to them all, and it also seemed to me that the Japanese couple did not speak fluent English, because they just glared at me...!!! And then the Weird part is, The second registrar checkout guy just totally blew me off, and waved his hand to bring this Japanese couple forward to him...!!!
So they had to push and shove their way past the previous customer, that was still dawdling...
and i decided to surrender, and left both registrars and went over to a 'regular' line, where a man had a cart full of big plastic buckets of IceCream...!!! And; as it became apparent, Was trying to pay for it all with a company check that was Was Not made out to him...!!!
i endured this for about 15 minutes, thinking that it would eventually resolve itself, since The Manager had come over and was trying to explain to the ice cream customer that they couldn't take his check...!!!
After i changed lanes again... i was able to check out without any additional difficulties...???

How weird were these two things...???
They seemed pretty weird to me, it's been an awfully long time since something weird had happened to me...
It should be noted that 'weird' things are quite different from 'wiggily' things...
Weird things are considerably more pointless... and resolve themselves pretty quickly, except of course, that you remember them for a long time...!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Additional ( Supplemental ) Commentaries

This is a collection of Reviews & Digressions relating to various books that i'm enthusiastic about.
They are Intended to be Referenced/Linked from the SideBar of The Front Blog Page for The Translucent Amoebae Consortium... Below: The Ads, Person Info & Fun Places to Visit...!

Ubik : Philip K. Dick
This is the only Dick Novel that i don't completely hate! Valis was the first Dick Novel that i really hated... and it was just a long harangue of sophomoric questions & meandering passages that were presumably inserted to bolster some presumed literary requirement for Character Development. It was awful. Dick is one of the best short story writers, living or dead, and these are the works that you should seek and gobble up like pumpkin pie & real whipped cream off a well exercised, shaved belly. There are few long stories ( novels, et. al., ) that are worth reading, the functionality of a story is the revelation of an idea, and that idea, if it's worthwhile, and is being presented by a competent storyteller, need not grope along a dining room's hard wood floor in the dark all afternoon. It should be succently told, so that you can get back to watching television. Dick knows this, and why he ever wrote so many novels, is indeed a mystery that future anthropologists will debate for centuries to come.
The reason that i didn't completely hate Ubik was that it closely mirrored my own understanding of how a fractional reality may be designed to use the least amount of computational resources & available memory. Its as if this idea has been around forever, at least since Plato's Cave allegory-- But now its being fleshed out and in a few months, or years, we will finally be watching our own creations muddle through their own fully defined worlds, that we created for them...! Will they be genuinely Conscious? We can only hope so, since it would silly to torment them if they were incapable of actually suffering.

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The Tao is Silent : Raymond Smullyan
While most of Smullyan's books are concerned with the details & fine subtle reasoning of Propositional Logic, The Tao is Silent is a detailed overview of the fine subtle insights of what may be called; Pure Taoism. Since Taoism was invented several hundred years ago, many religious adherents have attempted to put some meat on it's bones, since Taoism is the most Anorexic of all the World Religions. Like Buddhism, it's not even a True Religion! It doesn't have a God, It never reveals anything about an Afterlife, and with the possible exception of the mythical 'Peach of Immortality' It is completely devoid of Miracles, Saints or Holy Meteorites. Over the years, The priesthood of Taoism has added Religious Conventions to it's doctrine, and written voluminous commentaries on the life's of various adherents that have followed Lao Tzu along the river of life. But this book doesn't concern itself with any of that. Western Taoists, Those escaping the dogma & virginity of Catholicism, are much more enamored with the deep & benign simplicity of Taoism-- And this is what The Tao is Silent tries to explain to The Western Reader that is ready to consider that Gawd my be a Tool Box, rather than a Giant that steps on people.
This Book Needs No Title is one of Smullyan's first Puzzle Books and is filled with more Clever Puzzles, Paradoxes & Amusing Anecdotes. This is the mainstay of Smullyan's body of work.
To Mock A MockingBird is one of his later 'hard' books. He will start you off easily enough, ( usually ) just to get your feet damp, and familiarize you with what's expected of you, then begin to apply the layers upon layers of propositional symbolic logic that are algebraic equivalent of how intelligent beings & autistic monosavants are supposed to think intuitively...???
Sadly, i can't seem to recall the name of, or find any references to One of my Favorite Smullyan books that dealt with the Misadventures of Truthful Knights and Insane Lying Vampires...! Amazingly; Some of his books are out of print, and you may have to hunt and peck through used book stores to find this Treasure that is hidden away somewhere, just as Smullyan may have wanted...???

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Uncanny Tales : Robert Sheckley
Before i found Philip K. Dick, i'd read everything that i could find written by Sheckley, what is odd, i think, is that when you visit and check the section for "Customers that bought this book, also bought..." you will never see a book by Dick...! These two writers seem to me, very similar in topicology and general rabid quirkiness...!

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The Way Life Works : Reference
If you've ever wondered how life works, this may be an excellent introductory book for you, or an intermediate book, or an advanced book... especially if you've already read a bunch of college text books and have absorbed all the vocabulary, but still can't make the intuitive leap of understanding how it all fits together. This book may appear to written for 3rd Graders, since it has a large page format, with each page covered with lush detailed, comically animated illustrations... But beneath that, is a carefully presented and thoroughly exhaustive exposition of how DNA makes us jump & holler. It may be missing some of the finest details that would allow you to build your own Frankenstein monster, but it will sufficiently shock you with fascinating factoids to make you a born again Creationist...! There's just no way that Cellular Mechanics could have evolved accidentally...!

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The Life of Insects : Victor Pelevin
The writing style of The Life of Insects is apparently quite common in Russia, but completely unheard of here in the West... The nut of it is; That while we are following a group of insects around town, the author's spatial orientation & particularly our dimensional perspective is constantly sliding back & forth, seamlessly, from an anthropomorphic to insectivoric point of view & back... like the slide on a Trombone with ADD.

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Juggling for The Complete Klutz :
John Cassidy, B.C. Kimbeaux & Diane Walker
Everyone need to learn how to juggle. Perfect for people with Low Self Esteem.

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Believe & Make Believe : Mitchell
This is an absolutely Wonderful book that i read over & over again during my tragic and neglected childhood.

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Unit Origami : Tomoko Fuse
Origami for Aspergerian's.

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Archigram : The Archigram Group
Architecture for the distant future. Back when it was written, that future was supposed to be now...!
What happened to The Future...???

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The Unhinged World of Glen Baxter :
Glen Baxter
Weirdness for people saturated into a vanilla stupor with the weird.

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The Fun House : Lynda Barry
Her drawing may seem primitive or 'naive' but i would beg to differ...!!!
Lynda is fine, fine artist, and her characters, are all my multiple personalities given individual bodies.

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Passport to The Cosmos : John Mack
i discovered a few weeks after i left Bremertowne in August 2004 that on the day that i left, or the day before i left, or around that time, Professor John Mack was killed by a drunken driver in England...! What a blow...! Professor Mack was the shining light of Academia that was trying to find the illusive truth behind The Flying Saucer Phenomena...!

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Secret Life : David M. Jacobs
Professor Jacobs is the Other Academic WizzKid of Flying Saucer Research, But curiously, Prof. Jacobs seems to think The Greys are Bad, while Mack thought that they were Good...!!!
Perhaps this is more enlightening that it would initially seem... The real truth, is that there is no real discernible truth...!!!
But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't keep looking... maybe we'll get lucky...???

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Visitors from Time : Marc Davenport
One of the most appealing things about this book is that it's so damn easy to read...! i love an easy to read book, and this one is easy, and yet it contains lots of clever ideas and explanations to many previously inexplicable Flying Saucer Phenomena, once you start to allow that maybe they're Amoralistic Time Travelers, and not Disfunctional Space Brothers.

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Archie McPhee Catalogue :
This is a Catalogue that is more collectible than all your National Geographic's and Hustler's combined.

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Fantagraphics : PublishingHouse
Buy some Blabs!

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In The Beginning : Walt Brown
This is an absolutely Wonderful Creationist book, even when it's completely Whack-O, it's lots of fun.
My Favorite section concerns the Frozen Mammoths & Rhinoceros, along with many other animals that were instantly ( ? ) Frozen above what we now think of as the Arctic Circle... Apparently just before they were refrigerated, this area was a semi-tropical grassland...??? You may have heard about one or two Mammoths having been frozen-- There are dozens of dozens of them...!!! This was not one exceptional case, it was something that happened to the whole world, as if it were suddenly tipped on it's side... Just like Velikovsky said it did... Here's the proof...!!!
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Saturday, September 24, 2005

Recent Events / Am i Crazy...???

In a previous Blogentry i asked; Am i smart or am i dumb...???
Now i am asking;

Am i crazy, or is it that the rest of the world is Crazy...???
  1. Awhile ago; i asked at the main library if it would be OK if i bought a DVD Player, i would be able to plug it in at the library to watch films... ( it's established policy that you can plug in a computer, but not a cell phone for the explicit purpose of recharging it! ) ...and -then- they said that it would be 'iffy' since i might disturb others, 'But if i wore earphones...?' i suggested... and they said that it would be up to the security guards... So i let that go, and i then today, i asked again at the Media Room, and the desk lady there said that i -Couldn't- because it would be COPYRIGHT Infringement...!!! Because i would be watching the film in a public place...! People with Asperger's, over time, as they get older, usually learn little tricks to help them 'get by'-- Such as looking for specific 'cues' as to whether or not someone is listening to them, as they rant about some obscure topic that the listener is no doubt, not in the least interested in... such as; Turning their head away, or yawning, or walking away from you... These kinds of interpersonal/social relationship signals are picked up by normals without any effort, but we Aspergaerians have to consciously look for them...! So-- with this in mind, i have learned that when i'm politely asking someone about something, perhaps involving a company or institutional policy concerning somesuch or whatnot, and the person i'm speaking with suddenly becomes completely irrational & 'goofy', i have learned; 'Do Not Argue!' i am NEVER going to convince them to 'Smarten Up' or 'Be Reasonable'... It's just not going to happen. Does this make me hopelessly passive and does it allow people to walk all over me. yes.
  2. During the last few days; i have gotten on a bus and found that getting on with me, in that same crowd, there would be an Old Geezer that had Peed His Pants...! This has happened Three times in the last week, and always with a different old geezer! And each time, people would look at ME as if i was the offender...!!! And because i'm so insecure, i will think, Am i The Offender...!!! This is especially confusing, because very often, people will sit beside the old geezer as if nothing were the matter...! Fortunately, people will also sit beside me... But it is still troubling...!
  3. Another kooky thing that happened just today as i was Riding on A Bus through Waikiki-- The bus stopped at a semi-crowded bus stop, and there was a reasonably well dressed, 20 something black male sleeping on a bench, and using his day pack as a pillow, and beside him, was another somewhat less well dressed 20 something black male squatting beside him, unzipping his daypack...!!! And NO ONE was seeing this, except me... And i was on the bus...!!! Should i get off and make a fuss...! It was very confusing, so i stayed on the bus and it drove off.
  4. Phillip K. Dick Stories... i've read a few dozen of his 'short stories' and one novel so far, and they are pretty good, but his characters Smoke Way Too Much...!!! ( And there is a frightening recurrence of Snuff use as well...!!! ) It is actually very comical...Since they are often 'lighting up' in the most inappropriate places and situations... So i'm not sure what he means by this...??? Is it just the most natural thing in the world for a 60's Oriented Astronaut to smoke while waiting for a countdown to proceed...??? Dick does the same thing with his Female Characters... Is he a Misogynist...??? Or is just 'having fun' with stereotypical caricatures of these 'types'...??? Considering that he wrote most of these stories in the 60's, It's kind of hard to tell, one way or the other... So if you're able to overlook these 'concerns' then i would heartily recommend this genre of literature...!
  5. i still don't have any idea on where i would like to live... since winter is coming back to the mainland, i can reassuringly put this off for another 6 months or so, but i would like to 'get an idea' on this topic soon...! Do you live in a nice, inexpensive place...??? ( i'm looking for a small, quiet hobble; suitable for a Monk or Hermit, that runs around $230 a month, with Utilities Included...! -- Also; i want it to be far away from any Military Installations or Secret Alien Bases... ) If so; Tell me about it...!
  6. i managed to ruin my brand-new hat that costs me $14...!!! it has a suede brim that got all sweaty, and it now has an ugly dark band where the bill meets the dome...!!! i've tried washing it out, but it won't come out...!!! i just hate it when things 'aren't right'...!!! so i'll just have to wait until i have some more money, and get a new hat again, only this next time, it will be all fabric... i've been thinking about diverging from the ball cap design to something slightly more Gilligany...???

Friday, September 23, 2005

Do you really need your Brain...???

Do you really need your brain?

i've been reading these kinds of stories for along time, and i think that the Xi.6 Controllers periodically 'insert' various medical mysteries into our layer of reality to provoke us into believing/knowing
that 'everything is wrong'...???
Another example of this wrongness was a case featured on 60_Minutes a few years ago,
of a man that couldn't form 'New Memories'...
At one point The Interviewer ( Morley S- ( ??? )) asked him if he was annoyed by this inability...
and the man became very irrate...!!!
It would seem to me that if he really couldn't form New Memories, then he wouldn't be Aware that he couldn't form New Memories...!
Therefore: The man was a Fraud.
There was another case of a blind person that was made to see ( badly ) by inserting a plate into the back of his head, that was covered with a grid of spark-plugs that would lightup according to information sent to it via a television camera...
This seems crazy to me...!
How could the brain possibly interpret information from such a set up...!!!
This would seem to prove that there is a tiny Homoculii inside your head that 'Sees' things for you...???
Of course, there are alot of curious cases & experiments that i embrace as well,
Such as the experiments in which it would appear that we act on stimulii, BeFore we are are 'Aware' of being Stimulated...!!!
This seems to suggest that we are in fact; Robots-- with a Mind attached as an afterthought...
i don't know why i would be pleased by the results of an experiment like this,
but i just like the idea that the unverse makes a little bit of sense ( that we are reliable robots ) and added to that; there is a ghost that is actually somewhere else... and just watches what is going on...
According to this interpretation; The ghost can't even participate in making decisions as to what the robot will do...
But while this 'Makes Sense' ( ??? ) it does bring up all sorts of annoying 'paradoxes'...
Such as; When the robot creates the Sentence:
'I think ( tacitly impling: i have a conscious awareness ) Therefore I am' --
The previous interpretation would insist that the robot is mistaken about this...
OR -- it has a different sense of What Thinking/Awareness is... From how the ghost is 'Understanding' it... BUT THEN: The robot goes on to speculate that it's understanding of Awareness is Different from It's Ghosts Understanding of Awareness...
AND THIS IS Something that The Robot has ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE for...!!!
Why would the robot EVEN SUSPECT that there is a Ghost AND that This Ghost has a different understanding of what it's Awareness is...???
After thinking about this a little bit...
It becomes somehow more comforting to think that we are merely mindless robots,
that have some extremely annoying bug/feature that allows us to be aware that we are robots.
And that/While/But--
The universe; aside from this, is perfectly under control.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Mysterious Biddles

Things i Don't Understand...
Things that i Can't be Remembering Correctly...
  1. Bell's Inequality... i've tried & tried to find a good explanation of this Experiment that is supposed to be the definitive proof that, at least at the Quantum level, information can be transmitted across the universe instantaneously, but that, somehow, you still can't transmit actual information faster than the speed of light. i'm very suspicious of this experiment, if it even is a actual experiment-- There is so little actual discussion of it, that i think it may be a Thought Experiment...! i'm also very suspicious whenever physicists talk about 'Entangled' particles...! It seems to me that if particles such as photons and electrons ( et. al. ) can be entangled with one another, then this entangling process would be happening all the time, and that everything would be entangled with everything else...! Which is exactly what many New Age Hamsters want us to believe! Is everything, actually One Thing...??? If you know of a good source for this, please tell me...! i'm looking for a COMPLETE explanation of the entire experiment, with enough information so that i could reproduce it if i wanted to... And it should also include what results would be forthcoming, and conclusions at the end... Most references to this, Are ONLY Conclusions, and a nod to the experiment and a nod to the data...!!! i am also very suspicious when you have an experiment with entangled particles, ( if such things actually exist...!!! ) Where in the experiment, the particles have to pass through glass lenses or bounce off mirrors... The trouble is; Photons that bounce off mirrors and pass through lens's, aren't the same ones that started out before hand... ( i'm not sure what happens to an electron when it bounces off of something...??? ) It's like these experiments; like The Double Slit Experiment, when they say they've arranged it so that a single stream of photons are passing through the slits... i'm very skeptical of a single stream of photons, or an apparatus that will produce one photon at a time, or that you can, afterwards, control where this single photon is going...! i think: Physics is 99% BUNK! Physicists and Mathematicians like to take credit for Computers, Tall Buildings & Suspension Bridges, But Physicists and Mathematicians don't build Computers & Tall Buildings & Cell Phones... Engineers do, and they might start out with some mathematics or a little physics, but after a while, they'll find themselves fudging the results so that the device they're working on will actually work...!!! and then after it's being commercially produced, they tell the physicists what they did, and they, and the mathematicians, will go back and revise their theories & equations to match the working universe.
  2. Being Invited to Dinner. Several years ago, i was living in Bremertowne and my Dad was living in Seattle, and his Brother and wife were living in Shoreline, and from time to time, Jack, ( my Dad's baby Brother ) would invite him to dinner, and He, ( my Dad ) would invite me ( by Proxy ). This went on for several years and then one day, ( this had been building for some time ) i put my foot down, ( so to speak ) and suggested that if Jack really wanted to invite me to his house for dinner, ( which i'm sure he didn't! ) Why doesn't he just do it himself... He could call or send me a note in the mail, or send me an email... And this is the Quirky part... My Dad went TOTALLY FAWKING CRAZY...!!! He thought that i was being the most UnReasonable No Good-Nik that had ever lived... Blah Blah Blah... This went on for several minutes, and i was trying to be reasonable, and he Would Not Be Brought Down to Sensibility...!!! So after he hung up, i called Phil, ( My Dad's older Brother, who lives near Seattle Somewhere... i forget where... ) and i asked him to Intervene, and straighten this out...! and HE WENT TOTALLY FAWKING NUTS...!!! Even BEFORE i could start to explain what i was calling about, he had SO MUCH Baggage to unload on me that he didn't even wait for me to tell him why i'd called... So that went on for several minutes, and i was so CONFUSED by both of their reactions that i calmly Thanked him for his consideration and hung up. i still don't understand what happened. So then; days and weeks later, My Dad WOULD NOT COOL OFF...!!! and he wouldn't speak to me all for all the coming years until he died about 5 years after that. Curiously; i talked to Jack & Joan ( his wife ) some time after this started and then later at My Dad's Wake, and they don't seem TERRIBLY angry with me...??? There was obviously something ELSE going on here, but i have no idea what it was. ( It should be noted that there may have been the factor of ON-GOING resentment from several different things, like the fact that no one in my family is willing to recognize that i have Schizoid Personality Disorder/Asperger's and think i'm 'Just' Lazy... Or that i changed my Name Legally, Or that because i have Asperger's, i tend to be 'difficult...???' ) oh well.
  3. Being Put Back. In the 5th grade, i was held back a year. What is kind of curious, is that to this day, i am not sure if i am Smart or Dumb. i've been tested and told i have an IQ of 135, and i aced the Navy Eligibility test ( the second time i took it... The first time i took it, was right after high school, and i'd severely neglected my Algebra and Math skills, partly because i hadn't at that time been exposed to how FUN math can be...! It was always presented in a very BORING manner, and it wasn't until i'd been a street person for about 3 years that i discovered how exciting it can be... So then after that, i tried to REENLIST in the Navy, and that's when i took that test the second time, the first time, i got a very high score, but the second time, i think i got 100%...! But they won't take me anyways... Even with my University Transcripts, which; by the way, showed that i had a 3.8 GPA ) So anyways... Back in the 5th grade, i remember that that was the year that i wanted to get a HAMSTER, and to get a Hamster, i had to get at least 3 B's on my report card, and i DID get the Hamster, so i must have done Pretty Well that year... and i was still Held Back... i also recall that at about that time, i went downtown and was Evaluated by a School Psychologist ( or some such ) and i seemed to have fun reproducing puzzles and answering a lot of Damn Fool Questions...!!! and Drawing a picture of me and my Family, and i what i MOST CLEARLY remember was that Afterwards, when we were leaving, My mom said; after i asked her what the results were... ( or maybe i didn't ask... ) She said; "You're just Lazy." So that's what i believed. i was just lazy. i was retarded. There was no sense is trying to do better, i was destined to fail. -- If i got 3 B's that year, and they still held me back, they ( my Mother and The School Officials ) must have had some INKLING that something was wrong with me, but all they could come up with, Was that i was Lazy. ( In their Defense; Asperger's didn't become well known until i'd graduated from High School...! ) But i think i might have done better-- if i'd just been encouraged to do better, rather than labeled as a failure. Some years later, when i was still suffering from SEVERE Confusion over whether i was Smart or Dumb... in The 9th Grade; i begged the School Administrators to give me an IQ test, and they refused. Am i Smart or Dumb. i still don't know.
  4. DVR PostCards. When i was living in Bremertowne, i was starting to feel more and more guilty that i wasn't trying in the least to find a job-- Not that anyone was pressuring me in the least to find a job, but still...??? So i went over to DVR, Department of Vocational Rehabilitation... This was the place that was supposed to help Crazy and Retarded people find Work... And when i first went there, they told me to 'Look in the Paper.' But then, i somehow got involved with a Kathy --?-- and she was trying to start somekind of Arts Program for Elderly People and Retards... and She really didn't have ANY FREAKING IDEA WHAT SHE WAS DOING...!!! So i had contact with her for a few weeks or months...???...And during this time, i had to become somehow Validated...??? ( i have no idea what was going on... At one point i had to get a 'physical' and all during the 'physical' no actual medical tests of any kind where taken...??? !!! ) So during this time, Just to 'Keep in Touch' with my 'Worker' ( Marge Garland ) i would send her postcards letting her know that i was still interested. And these postcards were Hand Made ARTifacts...! OK--! ( ??? ) ( They were 'Out There' ) And then after about 5 months of 'behind the scenes WhatEver'... i was called into the Office and told by Another Worker... Not MY Worker, The Head Worker Lady -- ( i think ? ) that was being TERMINATED...!!! And why...??? Because of the PostCards...!!! One of them had a letter folded up and stuck onto the side, and THEY THOUGHT IT WAS A BOMB...!!! Honestly...??? And they called the Police, and they Called the Bomb Squad and they came out and Diffused my Letter...!!! -- What was that About...! ( ??? ) So i was thinking, 'i am too crazy for the place that is supposed to help crazy people...!' -- This is kind of like the time that i was going to put a SEX ADVERTISEMENT in a local Sex Magazine for SWINGERS...!!! And they refused to carry my Ad because it was TOO DAMN KINKY...!!! ( just try to imagine an ad for a swingers magazine that would be too damn kinky...??? -- It was because i was expressing an interest in getting a job as a CareTaker/NursesAid ( Which i'd done for about a year previously ) for a Disabled Lady that just happened to be Sexually Active...??? ) oh well.)
  5. Corvallis Amnesia. A few weeks ago, i went back and visited Corvallis, Oregon, and it had Changed ALOT, but still, there was some things that i remembered a little bit... But most of the places that i visited while i was a street person, i have reasonably good recollections about the towns and where i slept and so on... But with Corvallis... i can not remember anything...!!! i remember spending alot of time there, and walking along an old highway and drinking coffees and the McDonald's... Where did i get the money for the McDonald's Breakfasts...??? i don't remember... and so when i was walking all over Corvallis, none of it came back...??? Then also; In a related manner, when i came back to Hawai'i, i found that some of the buildings and geographical landmarks had been moved around... It was not like i remembered them at all... How could they have moved things around like this...??? !!! i was actually considering that maybe i had never been here before, maybe i had never been to Corvallis before... maybe all those memories from 1979 to 1987 were IMPLANTED...!!! And if so-- Where was i during those years...???
  6. Nakedism. One of the craziest things i don't understand about 'Western Civilization' ( And nearly every other culture ) is the Taboo surrounding Nudism. It seems just so absolutely KOOKY that there would be LAWS prohibiting you from Being a Human Being...??? i think that whatever the reasoning is, it goes way beyond Health Reasons... Since we let Dogs and Cats run around Naked, and they go everywhere we go, and they are presumably LESS hygienic than most people...??? So what is it this all about...???
  7. Trip to Europe. In the 9th grade, i had an English teacher, that a year later (?) sent me a letter inviting me to join her on a trip to Europe with The American Institute for Foreign Studies... The thing is; i was a TERRIBLE STUDENT in the 9th grade. That was undoubtedly my WORST ACADEMIC YEAR EVER...!!! One quirky thing about being a disinterested & highly apathetic asperger's genius, is that i could pass most of my classes without paying attention in class or EVER doing any homework... in fact that year, i didn't even TRY to do well on tests and such. i DIDN'T DO ANYTHING IN CHEMISTRY all year, i didn't LEARN ANYTHING...!!! COMPLETELY NOTHING...!!! And Algebra... i hated the teacher, and he hated me. i didn't learn anything in that class either...!!! and English, and History... i NEVER PAID THE LEAST BIT ATTENTION TO ANYTHING...!!! And somehow, i passed all those courses, and went on to High School. Did anyone ever Chastise me for doing so poorly that year. NO! They did not...!!! And then a year later, Mrs- ( i can't even remember her name! ( Clark--??? ) Invited me to Europe, and so i asked my Dad for $2000 and i went. It was kind of fun. We went to Denmark when Pornography was Maniacally Legal... Everything in the whole country was SEX, SEX, SEX...!!! Since then, they've pulled back a little bit.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Recent Events...

In a continuing effort to ReCreate Myself,
i got a new hat the other day.
The logo on it looks like this...

Right above HAWAII; it says: General Store
i'd been looking around for a new hat for a couple of weeks;
since i absolutely hated the hat that i was forced to buy at
The Fred Meyer's in Ellensburg,
-- after i'd crapped my pants and did some laundry,
and during that laundry, in which i decided to wash my hat--
The drier tore my Old Navy hat apart...!!!
So i was getting more and more desperate...!!!
So i settled on this one-- one rainy morning,
after finding several other hats,
that were -almost- just what i was looking for...
Particularly; the type of material was perfect,
but the logo was too ostentatious or lame,
or had a surfer on it, and i hate surfing...!!!
Surfing is almost as dumb as Golf.
( Actually-- i don't know which is dumber! )
Leilani in The Park were i once found a tiny, tiny snake...
Leilani was sorting bottles & cans when i sat about 60 feet from her
to have my lunch that i'd gotten from McDonald's,
and she came over & started talking to me...
She gave me a lead on where i could receive mail for free,
and get a bunch of other help from The Waikiki Health Center...
Her Aunt & Uncle also live in this same park,
along with a bunch of other people
that formed somekind of homeless community...???
i went over to the main Bus Office
to look into getting a really cheap BusPass,
Now that i have a Medicaid Card...
But it turned out that they only 'Automatically'
Accepted Medicare Cards...!!!
With a Medicaid Card--
i would still need to get an Actual Doctor
to attest that i'm Disabled,
and since i don't have a Doctor of my own,
and don't know how to obtain one,
it looks like i will be paying $40 a month
for my bus-passes for some time still to come...!!!
So i was going to mention, concerning Whaling...!!!
That it seems so Improbable
that there could ever have been a viable business of killing whales,
melting down their blubber into lamp oil
and then lighting cities with it...???
Just how many whales would that take...???
Another improbable thing
that seems very suspicious to me,
is this idea that all the elements in the universe,
aside from Hydrogen & Helium,
were created in stars, and then distributed--
after they blew up...!!!
It seems to me that:
If the universe is 'only' 14_billion years old,
and our star is already 5_billion years old,
There just isn't enough time to have enough 'generations'
of stars to make the really heavier elements,
And this seems to be a much stronger point,
is that after a given star has blown up,
the ensuing 'bubble' of expanding material
is going to be really, Really, REALLY Thin
after only one or two light years,
( Where are the Remnants of the Stars that Produced Our Atoms...? )
traveling at 'Nova Exploding speeds' ( ??? )
It would take a VERY long time for that material to get anywhere...
And that 'Anywhere' would have to be a waiting cloud
of other expanding bubble debris
that would in turn slowly collapse
into a new star and planetary system...
Plus/ And then:
Have you ever given any thought to 'Veins of Gold'
or Copper or Iron...???
It seems to me that if these materials came from an exploding star,
and thrown into space as a vapor cloud,
and even if, during their trip to the Nebula,
it condensed into glumps,
it would be redistributed during planetary formation
within the molten mass of a newly forming planet...
For there to be things like Gold Veins,
they would have to have come from somewhere where
there was alot of Gold, such as a LAYER of Gold
deep inside the planet that settled there during the Planet's formation,
and was later--
Pushed up during a very violent Volcanic event...
to form a mountain, with these streamers of Gold...
And this would be true for anything like that...
So there would have to be a Layer of Copper,
and a Layer of Titanium and so on...
This seems kind of improbable to me...???
So where do the Gold Mines come from...???
They were 'Painted' there by The Reality Generator...!
It's all Fake.
Reality as we Perceive it, Is an Illusion...!!!
The Evidence is all around us.
Everything we experience, day in and day out,
Is really VERY dumb, and IMPOSSIBLE...
If only you can stop Accepting it as Real,
Just because it SEEMS Real...!!!
Once you've done this;
You can start BeLieving Anything you Want...
And The Reality Generator will start Delivering it to you,
Because it's too Lazy to think up
The Whole Reality Thing
All by itself...!!!
( The Reality Generator Creates a Reality around you
of Things that You Expect to Happen...! )
But you have to REALLY BELIEVE that they will happen,
You can't just WANT them to happen...
Believing is an Odd Mental Condition...
It is Knowing, without thinking...
It must become The Most Natural State that you Mind can Fall Into...
How can you obtain this kind of NonThinking Awareness...
By turning your Consciousness off,
And allowing your True Monad
to float to the top of your Inner Sea.
Other Suspicious things...?
Once a Forest Fire Starts,
doesn't it seem suspicious to you,
that it would EVER go out on it's own...???
Same for Plagues...
Concerning Eyeless Salamanders in Caves,
They would have to become eyeless by means of Evolution...
Just how much of an Advantage would being eyeless be,
if none of you could see anyway...
The fact that The Moon is EXACTLY
the same perceived size as The Sun...!
And that It's always facing towards us...!!!
And that The Tides,
occur on Both sides of our Planet Simultaneously...!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Cthulhu: The Movie...!!!

Cthulhu: The Movie-- Sort Of...

It looks like it might be something else, and refers to the Stories by Lovecraft,
only as a Literary Vehicle for Interpersonal Relationships...???

Use the Search Engine; Above,
To find more Cthulhu Related items on this Blog,
and Beyound...!!!

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Commentary ( Header )

[ The slave that never tests his chains; believes himself to be free. ]

How would you go about testing these hypothetical chains...???

And if they do, in fact, Exist: Who has bound you to them...???

Step One:
Look deep within your own hearts most secret passion,
To find that which you most lovingly desire--
And present this Idea or Activity to your Peers.
What is their Reaction to your Newly Discovered Wish to 'Be Free'...???

Step Two:
Once you have realized that The Damp Masses are acting on behalf of The Will to Suppress & Enslave you... Who; You may wonder, Is their Master?
The Master; incidentally, You yourself blindly served only moments before...!

1) The Government?
2) The Shadow Government?
3) The Walking Fish People?
4) The Xi point Six Controllers?
5) One of The Nearly Ubiquitous;
UnThinking & Entirely Invisible Hands
of The Damp Masses

Who knows...! ( ? )
It may well be that this 'Master' was created by millions of years of blind & arational Evolution whose only desire is to survive by means of an Unquenchable Compulsion to adhere to The Status Quo.
Change; Evolution has learned, by repeatedly bloodying its knuckles, Is nearly Always Bad!
Change must only be implemented when All Other Options have been exhausted,
Or are laying beside you, Mangled beyond recognition.

It is not, necessarily, Malice that seeks always to constrain your freedom
By holding you tightly under the lid of an old shoe box--
But a conservative desire to merely ride-out another day.

Freedom is most easily expressed as A Secret Dream that you hold within yourself,
And; perhaps, Express while locked behind a solid door, with the blinds pulled tightly down.

Additional Reading:
Michael Diana Boiled Angel #7
Joseph Gallardo
This article on Joseph Gallardo was the only one i could find, and i kind of misses the point, although it does mention it... And that is; he was sent to prison because the drawings he was making were too extreme for the local sheriff...!!! ? Channel 7 News in Seattle followed this story extensively-- At first taking the view of the local sheriff, then later; coming to realize that Joseph was being ruthlessly persecuted by that sheriff... They even tracked down Joseph's former girl friend and her daughter about 2 years after all this had happened, and the daughter, ( that Joseph had allegedly 'raped' ) insisted that; even then, nothing untowards had happened...!!! The entire situation was fabricated, from whole-cloth, by the local sheriff.
The Illusion Of Freedom ( Book )
School Artwork

Friday, September 09, 2005


Previous Posts Concurrent with The Actual Trip:
Second Week
Concerning my recent fiasco
of returning to the mainland
to find somewhere to live...
It started off badly when i arrived in Portland, Oregon rather late in the evening.
One thing that i have resolved to do in the future, is to consult & familiarize myself with maps of the areas that i am about to penetrate...! It turns out that Vancouver; where i was intending to get to, is about 1 mile from Portland, right across the Columbia River to the North. i wasn't especially clear on this. i thought that it should be possible to take a bus or use the local 'Train' there, but because Vancouver is in Washington, Not Oregon, this was impossible. Maybe in other places, they have local bus service that jumps back & forth between closely linked cities that are separated by State Boundaries & Famous Rivers, But not here... Is there some kind of Anamosity that i didn't hear about...??? So when i left the Airport terminal and asked Bus Supervisor how to get to Vancouver, he assured me that since i was unwilling to pay $60 for a taxi there, i could alternately walk there, along the Freeway. This turned out to be a Very Bad Idea. ( ! ) First of all, there were NO sidewalks or even a reasonable shoulder to walk along, in the middle of the night. But i continued for about 2 miles, before i began to become seriously concerned about being hit by a station wagon filled with unruly children, or a pickup controlled by a drunken psuedo-cowboy. This turned out to be much more difficult than i would have hoped, since the people that designed this freeway took great pains to make sure that no one, except me, could aimless wander onto it. So i walked & walked, attempting to find a break or opening, or gap or off-ramp away from the ubiquitous chain-link fencing, topped with razor-wire, Not that i could have climbed over it anyway, but maybe someone younger, and more determined to cross the freeway than myself. Finally, after climbing over an embankment, i found a spot where the fence had be cut away, and pulled out to reveal an opening. Unfortunately, this opened onto a Very Steep Hill that while trying to slide down, severly twisted my right knee...! It twisted so violently off to the left, and backwards that i was astonished when i was able to stand on it. Apparently; At that time, my brain was being flooded with Endorphins, or somesuch, and the pain that would come later, and persist for 3 weeks+ was absent for that time being. After i reached the bottom of the hill, i continued in what i thought was the same direction that i had been traveling in, while on the freeway, but was, in fact, 90 perpendicular to it... So i ended up walking another 5 miles in essentially the wrong direction before i finally found a clean spot to sleep for the night, at a Asian Food Distribution Warehouse.
The next day; i took a series of buses to Portland proper, and took a Greyhound to Vancouver.
It was there that i discovered, that while Vancouver seemed to be a very nice & clean town, it was actually called Fort Vancouver, and one of the critera that i had imposed upon myself, after living in Bremertowne, right next to a Military Navel Base, for 15 years, was to keep as far away as anything having to do with the Military as possible-- So after spending a few minutes at the Library to juggle my Bank accounts around, i left there, had a Sandwich at Subway, that later made me VERY sick, i headed for Ellensburg.
It turned out that what made me so sick was FAKE eggs, and without knowing this -then- i had another sandwich at Subway, without Cheeze, but with the FAKE eggs, and it too made me VERY sick...!
At Ellensburg, which is also a very nice & clean town, with brickwork sidewalks covering most the downtown area, i found that the security around the church that i used to sleep at, 20 years previously, had been substatially improved... [ ! ]
Nearly everything else about the town had changed, i couldn't find anything that looked familar.
In the 15 years that i lived in Bremertowne, where it stayed remarkably the same for that entire time, everywhere else i looked, The towns had completely redefined themselves...
After spending only a few hours in Ellensburg, i was already starting to become very anxious... Being constantly anxious is normal for me, but this was even more anxiety than i was used to.
For one thing, i had no idea what to do before the library would open, i hadn't come across any parks, and my feet were already killing me! Plus i couldn't orient myself. I bought a map. This was a very nice plastic map that was pre-segmented, so that you couldn't fold it up wrong. It was impossible. And it was pretty expensive. All throughout this trip, in every town i landed in, ( just about ) i would buy a map; This turned out to compromise about 10% of my budget for the the entire Fiasco.
When the library opened, i discovered, like in Vancouver, And Hawai'i, Their Computer usage policies were created by a comittee of South American Monkeys. As annoying, in many ways, was my stay in Bremertowne, They pioneered the intellegent use of Computers within their Library System. Except for Seattle, It was the best i've come across anywhere.
In Ellensburg; i looked through the local paper for someplace to live and found that the cheapest, smallest, vermin infested closets were going for $900 a Month. i was frazzled...!!!
After that i looked into getting somekind of Sliding Rent dealie...
The Paper, or the Internet Site or somewhere...???...said that it WASN'T related to Section Eight,
But it turned out that it was... and when i went to the local Houseing Office, they not only didn't in any way administer Section Eight, the guy behind the desk KNEW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it...!!!
i hate that.
i've been running into that sort of thing, over & over again throughout my life, and i never get used to it, nor can i understand it...
Very often; it will so seem-- that some 'Difficulty' that i'm having with some 'agency' will, by all appearances, be the first time that they've ever had to deal with it...!!!
So anyways, although he gave he a huge stack of papers to fill out, To be sent to Yakima... i left them all in the outer office, and then left, crapped my pants ( again ) and i think i stayed in town for one more night, principally because the bus leaving for gawd only knows where, didn't leave until 9 the next morning.
While i was in Ellensburg, i did find a fairly good place to sleep, on the porch of the local high school. It was one of those weird places that looks like it's 'Exposed' -- But because of the way the street light hits the buildings, the difference between where the light is 'on' and 'off' constitutes a VERY high degree of contrast, when seen from the sidewalk, so that while it seemed well lit while i was up there, from the sidewalk, it was absolutely black!
The next day at the Subway, i overheard the very ODD conversation that let me become aware that the eggs in their sandwiches were FAKE, and due to the YELLOW crap that was pouring out of me, it became clear to me that that was the source of the 'problem'...!!!
How much more does one need to believe that all the little things that happen to us, are arranged by angels?
i was heading West at that time... so i kind of wanted to go to Port Angeles... But when i got there, after stopping in several small towns along the way, i saw some huge OIL TANKERS in the bay, and that coupled with the generally delapitated condition of the town, it sufficiently spooked me into leaving Immediately...!
All this time, i was jumping from town to town, and stopping for the briefest moments in their libraries to check on the price of rooms, and i never did try to find what was 'Normal' for any particular town, i only ever checked for that day, or maybe the previous day... in the want ads.
It was always the same, as i looked further and further into this, i became more and more frazzled, so that instead of becoming MORE complacient, and willing to move into anything that seemed cost apporopriate, as i have done in the past, and maybe BECAUSE i have done that in the past, with disasterous results, i became more reluctant to accept anything less than perfect, and nothing was close to perfect. Nothing would do.
It was hopeless.
Nevertheless-- i continued on around the Pennensula there in Washington, passing through rundown, termite infested town after hobo incrusted town-- until i got back to Seattle, and from there, headed East.
Also: i kept passing through all these places where i knew people, or near places where i knew people; and it seemed to me, as it is always the case; Human Contact Only Complicates Matters... So i didn't stop and say hello to anyone.
First stop was Yakima. Since it was a Sunday or Weekend or Something... i didn't even stop there long enough to visit the library... or did i...??? i think i did. or did i. i can't remember.
i did see one crazy lady-- which i interpreted to be a BAD OMEN, since she was VERY crazy.
Additionally; She was the only street person i saw there.
There are FORMULAS to these sorts of things, and one of these Formulas, states that when a town has only a small number of street people, and they are all VERY crazy, that is not a good sign of something or another.
Generally: A BAD OMEN.
Much better is a town with lots of Street people that don't look like street people at all... That are passing themselves off as just simple Nuts or Kooks. This is a GOOD OMEN.
i didn't see this anywhere i went.
An older example of this might have been Berkley 20 years ago.
After Yakima, i wanted to go to Moscow, and i was thinking that the simplest way would be straight across Southern Washington, into Idaho-- But the Greyhound Bus went all the way up to Spokane first, and i had a Lay Over there of about an hour & a half, and while there, this Older Woman that i KNEW from Somewhere, kept staring at me, so i left and waited outside...
Where Did i Know her From...??? Years & years ago... or more recently...
While i was bussing around the Pennensula, i saw a Crazy Lady that i'd seen many times when i was living in Bremertowne, and had even talked to several times, until she started SCARING ME with all her crazy talk...
So i asked the bus driver on our way to Port Townsend about her, and the driver agreed with me that she was VERY Crazy...!!!
That was the only person that i was sure i'd met somewhere else.
It's kind of quirky -- i think -- that i havn't seen or met anyone in Hawai'i that i've seen or met somewhere else...???
Also; i havn't been talking to ANYONE while i've been here for the last year+...
The first time i was here, i made 'friends' with two black girls, and talked to lots of people from time to time.
That is very rare now...???
Moscow was a very nice town too.
One ad that i looked at, was for a House Sharing for only 165$ a month...!!!
But the guy that owned the house would be gone half the time, and i didn't want to be in a whole house by myself...!!! That is one of the most Quirky things about Asperger's...! i hate being around people, but i want to be around people...!!! ( ??? ) Like when i was going to school at Eastern Washington University, i lived in a Dorm, and had my own room, and would go down to the TV room, and sometimes play board games down there, but there was a very comfortable 'Distance' between me and everyone else living there.
That is the kind of place i would like to live in again.
There were some other places in Moscow that were 'kind of' cheap, but i was already so completely frazzled, i didn't even LOOK at them...!!! Did i stay there even one night... i stayed there one night, at the church on the top of the hill. It was VERY dirt there, and got my bag and sleeping bag all DUSTY...! ugh.
Then i got on a bus to San Francisco, but first i had to go further EAST to Salt Lake City...!!!
That is the way Greyhound works.
What i was most annoyed by, was that during the very annoying trip across Nevada, there weren't any Good Deserts...!!! The land scape was exactly like Central Washington.
What made these trips especially annoying though, was NOT the crazy Schizophrenic lady that i had to sit by for 24 Freaking Hours... But rather, the extremely LOUD Sniper from Viet Nam that was telling all these gruesome stories to a bunch of kids ALL NIGHT LONG...!!!
What is perhaps more annoying, was that i suspected that he was LYING...!!!
At one point; he mentioned that he was just about to turn 50, so that he would be about 2 weeks younger than i am-- But i missed out ( ? ) [ !!! ] on the Viet Nam War by about 3 years...???
So that-- If he had been in The VNW, he would have to have enlisted when he was 14...!!!
Then after the kids left and he quieted down, Another BLACK guy, in the front of the bus became the most annoying character on the bus.
What he was doing, after he collected a sympathic audience of fellow imbiciles, was continuously harass an elderly Mexican man that apparently spoke very little English...
It seems like whenever i most need my LightSaber-- That's the morning that i would leave it on the kitchen table on my way out of the house.
i do not like bus travel.
So essentially:
i just started out this last trip-- Completely Frazzled, and i couldn't seem to 'Relax'...!
i was just frantically jumping from one town to the next...
What a waste of Time, Money ( over $1000 ), & Psychic Reserves...!!!
Plus: Now i have no plan.
i have no idea what i'm going to do to find somewhere to live.
i can't even decide WHERE i would like to live.
Everywhere seems deeply wrong.
And my feet still hurt.
( Plus all my other parts! )