Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Boycott IMAX...!!!

This Rant may contain Spoilers for Superman Returns... ( ??? )
i got my sister to take me over to the local IMAX Theater Sunday to see; Superman Returns in 3D...!!!
Only to discover the rinky dink IMAX Theater here in Spokane Washington isn't showing it in 3D...!!!
Additionally; The posters on view throughout the IMAX complex there advertise the film as being: 'In IMAX'...???
What does this mean; 'In IMAX'...???
It was Not filmed in IMAX, since the film; On screen only took up about half the full screen,
One quarter of which was empty along the top and bottom.
It was simply a conventional theater quality version,
Shown on an IMAX screen. Should this qualify it for inclusion in the IMAX genre of film...???
You could show any home slide show on an IMAX screen, and then argue persuasively that it is 'In IMAX'...!!!
i just noticed while reading the blurb on the website sited above that--
Even in the 3D version, ONLY SELECTED BITS have been converted to 3D...!!!
What a Freakin' Rip Off...!!!
Boycott IMAX!
What else.
i'm still hobbling along on my walker, since i broke my hip back in May, and while i was there, None of the IMAX attendants asked me if i needed any assistance, or showed me any consideration in finding a suitable seat. In fact, there are NO facilities there to accommodate any Disabled Persons toward the end of finding a suitable viewing seat.
The only seats that are availbable to persons in wheelchairs, are in the very freakin' front row...!!!
And then; The carpeting had a very detailed and complex pattern to it, that made it very difficult to determine where the edges of the stairs were...
Since these edges were not marked or lit in any reasonable manner...!
It was a genuinely very dangerous arrangement of stairs and darkness...!!!
Even for ably mobile persons...!
The film 'Superman Returns' is a 2 1/2 Hour film, substantially longer than most IMAX films- i suspect- and as such, Was made additionally unbearable to me- in particular- because the seats are bare hardwood...!!! Even the sleaziest conventional theaters have padded seats...!
The film itself.
Was very Lame.
If you recall the 1978 version, the byline was "You'll believe a man can fly" which was especially cruel, because; given-- even-- the technology that was available at that time, it was just wrong.
They filmed it wrong.
They mismatched the backgrounds to the wired superman in the foregrounds...
and they shipped it anyway...
That is Lame.
Very Lame.
This New Version, at least, did not suffer from that same 'type' of Lameness...
It was Technically - OK - But just a bad film.

It had this one bit, about 20 minutes into the film which highlighted the 'SuperEffects' and thereafter, it was amazingly tepid.
And the storyline was essentially nonexistant.
Superman, leaves-- for no good reason, and then returns...
In a Kryptonian Spaceship.
The curious thing about this is that a pivotal plot device later on, perpetrated by Lex Luther, requires us to have some comprehension-- Or Sympathy-- for this 'Idea' of a Technology based on Crystalography...???
Wouldn't it have been nice, if at the beginning of the film, we were able to witness how this technology actually worked, on board the freakin' Kryptonian Space Ship...
But NO!
We are only allowed to see the damn thing Crash...!!!
What does that really say about the superior benefits of Kryptonian handiwork...???
Then: Later on-- to add to this point --Lex Luthor is going to essentially take over the world by using this Kryptonian technology that he stole from Superman's, Amazingly Security Free, Fortress of Solitude...
So anyways...
Lex impliments this 'Landmass Bomb' and then the world sits on it's hands.
OK -- Very little time as gone by during this period, but even so,
Lex-- while claiming to have the technological resourses to combat all the worlds armies and such...
Is completely Unprepared at this time...!!!
He has not created a single Kryptonian weapon to defend himself with...!!!
Wouldn't it be nice if we got to see him impliment some of this Crystal Manufacturing Process in a more functional and INTERESTING Manner...!!!
i was reading in Newsweek, the director; Bryan Singer was saying that he's really evolved as a director, because this film was made to attract 'gals' with it's 'Romantic' Elements...!!!
What a freakin' HOOT...!!!
The Romantic Elements consist of Lois Lane being a Cold Fish towards both her 'New Boy Friend', Clark Kent & Superman.
There is also the not very subtle revelation that her child is actual Clark's/Kal El's --
But it faulters repeatedly when we'd rather hope that there was a deeper scratch into this theme...
Plus: There's this Article that Lois wrote: "Why the world doesn't need Superman" that she's won a Pulitzer Prize for... But we never get to see even a hint of what her argument was...???
If the Superman Suit is Invulnerable, as is demonstrated repeatedly...
Then why does it allow Lex to stab Superman with a Kryptonite Knife...???
OK -- The suit is susceptible to the effects of Kryptonite too...
OK -- If that's so...
Then when Superman is fatally weakened at the end, lifting the Crystal Continent into space,
Why isn't the suit equally damaged, and torn off him during reentry...???
Are there any clever, memorable lines in this film...???
In the first film, you may recall; Lois screaming-- "You've got me-- Who's got you!?"

No such wit exists in this version.
The closest is a convoluted aphorism about seeing the world through each others eyes...???
It was too long.
And dull.

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