Friday, December 14, 2007

Buoyant Zmass— All & Sundry...!!!

i've been very depressed lately because i'm getting so little attention paid to my Flickr/Family Snap Shots Project...!!!
So that i haven't felt inclined to
do anything...!!!

But this proposal did occur to me, for a
chrstmsa card...

Here are some undeveloped ideas concerning


The next generation of XMass & YMas
Ways that Zmass is Better than either Xmass or Ymas

Given that Xmass is the Celebration of Christ's Birth...

Ymas was the corruption of this holiday by introducing Santa Claus & The Commercialization of the holiday...

Zmass is the complete overhaul of X & Y masses to integrate a new holiday into the fundamental spiritual, social & economic needs of The Damp Masses leading up The Reevaluation of our culture in the year 2012.
( Which curiously; will occur around December 21st. )

Faux holiday that is based on an imaginary deity whose teachings more accurately reflect the mores of post 911 western civilization.

Rules of present giving is clearly delineated and enforced by law.

Chrstmsa trees that are all electric lights, festooned with tiny bows of evergreen twigs.

New tradition in which standing under mistletoe gets you to second base.

Santas ( to be called something else... ? ) at the department stores are nude, which make them especially popular amoung sexually precocious, drug addled teenagers.

The Correct Salutation is : Buoyant Zmass— All & Sundry...!!!

The Recognition that in the various previous versions of —mas, The presents; that were given to make the recipients happy, were in fact, nearly always; crap.
And consequently; only made people sadder.
So that; with Zmass— Only happy invoking presents may be given.

What are “The Happy Invoking Type Presents?”
  1. All items must be of the highest imaginable quality.
  2. All items must be from a particular giver to a particular recipient
  3. All items must be life sustaining, rather than life depleting
The principle instigator of Zmas is “Larry Claus”—
Santa’s unkept older brother who never quite ‘Got on track.’
( this idea has been spoiled by the new 2007 Movie: Fred Claus )

Instead of Larry Claus; The principle instigator of Zmas is “The Zmas Giant Mechanical Ant”

Before X-Mas there was:
  1. P-Mass : Exchange of Damp Rocks Initiated
  2. Q-Maz : Yowling restrained to Special Occasions
  3. R-Masss : Discovery of Snowflakes
  4. S-Maph : Gawd Clothes Distinguished from Work Clothes
  5. T-Mezz : Sticks Painted with Stripes are Tied to Trees.
  6. U-Miez : Horrible Gifts are blamed on a Quixotic Archetype
  7. V-Muppies : Everything Wonderful is Attributed to The Quixotic Archetype
  8. W-Noggiluffessicratcklemotten : Self-Loathing Institutionalized as a Commercial Holiday
The True Story of Yolanda the Two Headed Reindeer with Seventeen Legs that Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer is based on—

if you have any additional suggestions; please add them as comments...

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