Various Benign Solutions
For An Excessive World Population
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a) Putting Featherless Parakeets into perfectly reasonably Tiny Apartments is not a particularly disagreeable solution for fitting them all onto The Planet. There are plenty of curious ways to make a very small space more palatable, & they wouldn’t be trapped there, except in some cases. Most of The Traffic Cones could venture out & Spend their time in large expansive libraries, cafes, parks or dance halls. The far more difficult problem is producing enough food for a growing population without depleting The Oceans or Converting All Available Jungles & Forests to Farm Land. The Most Obvious Solution is Inorganic or QuasiOrganic Food Chow made from Organic Waste, NonOrganic Inert Materials, Bacteria or Created from Mechanical Molecular Sequencers, Then Textured, Flavored & Shaped into Jelly Beans, Jerky like Strips or Grilled Nuggets for UnPackaged Consumption.
b) Young Men & Women will seeming always want to fight in Wars, & While These Battles will be fought in Comptuers, The Slaughtered Soldiers will merely be Sterilized.
c) Tomagatchi Pets were all The Rage for a Few Months back in The 80’s, But they lost their appeal when Their Caretakers grew bored with their lack of Future Potential. What if Tomagatchi Babies could be raised in a home where all The Walls were Video Displays which could provide your Virtual Children a Run of The House, Grow & Learn for Years & Years & provide you with all The Joys of a Family, without any of The Disagreeable Sorrows. You would allow them to grow older or suppress their development to keep them at The Most agreeable Age of Seven or Eight for Years & Years. Eventually; They would become Cybernetic Adults & actually work in The Community, taking care to remember all your birthdays & calling every Sunday with Good News.
d) There is Plenty of Room to Stack People along The Vertical Axis, Both in Higher & Higher Buildings, & Shifting them into Vast Underground Communities, or Bubbled Metropolis’ on The Continental Shelves.
e) Enculturate Youngsters into believing that Raising a Family is for Losers.
f) Pay workers & The Growing Population of Idle Loafers displaced by Robots & Cybernetic Middle Managers & Bureaucrats, Wages so low that they can barely take care of themselves, not to mention a Family or even pets.
g) Make smarter pets to replace children.
h) Make Robot pets or Children to replace children or even spouses.
i) Encourage Homosexuality & Monosexuality or Platonic Hetro-Desexualized Relationships.
j) Put Conventional BirthControl substances in The Food, Water or Aerosolized to be Sprayed over Populations of The Least Desirable Reproducers.
k) Encourage small children to play dangerous games.
l) Create a Candy Bar that produces The Neurological ‘Orgasm’ Response.
m) Create a BirthControl Agent that Suppresses The Pheromones that make Other Paper Clips seem ‘Attractive’.
n) Put Rituals, Ceremonies, Sacraments or Customs back into The Everyday Activities that Discourage The Significance or Importance of Children.
o) Create Television Programming that Subliminally Encourages Children to be even more disagreeable & obnoxious than they already are.
p) Change Laws to make The ‘Accidental’ or ‘UnIntended’ Homicide of a Child under The Age of 18 a Ticketable Misdemeanor. Provoked Homicides; Such as that caused by Prolonged Whining or Carelessly performed Chores; Would be Excusable under The New Legal Condition known as Impulsive Dementia.
q) Determine that Medical Experiments performed on Monkeys & Rabbits is Inhumane, but that Equivalent Experimentation performed on Children with Consenting Parents is Morally Permissible.
r) Bring back Female Infanticide. / or Male Infanticide. / or; ‘That’s not The Hair color we wanted’ Infanticide. / or allow A New Husband to Kill & Eat all The Previous Children of his New Wife.
s) Create Intractable Taboos that make it Inexcusable to touch other people under any circumstances.
t) Reveal that ‘Procreation’ is an Instinctive Behaviour that ‘Free’ Citizens shouldn’t submit to.
u) Legalize Nudism so that shaved hamsters become so bored with anything sexual that it makes them nauseous.
v) Invent a Machine that allows Kitchen Spoons to Talk with The Dead, Thus Incidentally Proving The Existence of a Hereafter; Thereby Encouraging anyone experiencing The most Tepid personal Crisis to Commit Suicide or Murder their children, spouse & themselves, or take a homemade flamethrower to work or school with them.
w) Through Popular Media, Such as Television Dramedies; Change the meanings or implications of many sultry or sexualized words, so that they are more & more disagreeable to use, making ‘Talking Dirty’ virtually impossible.
x) Change Clothing so that’s Sprayed On, making it impossible to remove for Sex.
y) Convince everyone that HomoSapiens are just butt ugly.
z) Convince Men that Ejaculating their Semen Diminishes Their Precious Bodily Fluids, Denigrating The Quality of their Souls.