Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Magickal Poops...!!!

Well... before that even, i noticed that my new nosehair clippers weren't doing the job that i wanted them to do...!
i'd gotten them ( it ) from Waldomart, and they're of the type that you stick in your nose ( or ear ) and spin the handle, which; in theory, will trim your hairs for you.
Unfortunately; this model was of such a cheap and inferiour quality, that it merely succeeded in pulling the hairs out, in a manner very similar to that obtained with tweezers, which i'd discovered was severely injurious to my well being...!!!
What happens when i pull them out is; that the root holes would become infected and then 'puff up'-- making the inside of my nose feel likes it's full of boogers that can't be picked out...!
So i decided to get some little scissors, and that was yesterday.
On my way over to the Library in Kapiolei; i stopped off at their Longs Drug Store and found some Wee Cosmetic Scissors; specifically intended for use with Children... The Children element to the Scissors is that the tips have rounded tips... Not merely blunt, but rounded, dull edged disks that make in impossible, ( ? ) for anyone to impale themselves with them...! And since i intended to stick them into my midlin facial orifaces and auditory manifolds, this feature would be perfect for me...!!!
( i also got some Twinkies and a tiny bottle of shampoo...
i should have gotten some Q-tips too, but i forgot...! )
Then; While i was over at the library a few minutes later, i checked my Bank Balance and discovered that these latest purchases had sent me $4.11 into the RED...!!! Eeeeeeeek...!!!
When i was living in Bremertowne, and this would happen, i was usually unaware of it for a few days, and they would send me a note in the mail, asking me to make amends...!!! ( Threatening me with arduous fines...! )
Curiously though... i have such a nice bank, that they never have fined me... even though i have gone over about a thousand & four times since i became a street person...!!!
So fixed that by transferring $20 into my checking account...!
TRAGICALLY...!!! This meant that my Savings Balance dropped below $800...!!!
i was thoroughly dispondent when it dropped below 1000, then 900... But now i couldn't even keep it above 800.
Saving Money sure is Hard...!!!
So then:
Today-- Knowing that i had $16 or so dollars in my checking account, and that the Food Mart was out of slabs of Bread Pudding-- i bought TWO sandwiches for breakfast instead...!!!
Each of which was $3.50... ( or thereabouts... ? )
So a little bit after breakfast, i went over to Ala Moana Park and dropped a huge load of crap into a toilet bowl, and then continued on my way... i watched some surfers for awhile, and thought... 'Since Sailboats can sail haltingly against the wind, i wonder if there is some manner that surfers can surf against the waves...'
i began to piece together a scheme by which the surfer could 'backpedal' to the next wave behind them, but that wouldn't actually get them further away from the beach...???
So i'm still thinking about it...
While i was leaving the park, i became aware that i had to go to the bathroom again...!!!???
Really BADLY...!!!
And since i was NOWHERE near a bathroom, i sat down on a bench on the far side of The Ala Moana Mall, and played with my Calculator for about a half an hour...
( Sometimes just sitting quietly for awhile will help calm my intestines...! )
This helped a little, But i decided that i really should work my way over to their bathrooms and i just BARELY MADE IT...!!!
( Apparently; The Tunafish Sandwich ( or Egg Salad ) was a little Too Oily for me...!!! )
The Magickal Poops...!
When i got into the restroom-- ALL THE STALLS WERE FILLED...!!!
Wait... The last one ( out of about 20 ) had it's door open...
When i got to it; Someone; The previous Occupant-- Had Puked in it...!!!
It wasn't too bad though, and Miraculously-- !!! --i was so focused on emptying my own large intestines, that i didn't Barf myself, as i am prone to do when seeing someone elses Vomit...!
Almost all the puke was in the toilet bowl, with just a little on the seat, and none on the floor, so i wiped up the seat puke, and flushed the toilet, and got around to sitting down, just as i filled the bowl again with a sickly yellow fluid of oil and Egg Salad.
i felt a little better.
So after cleaning myself up, i turned and flushed the toilet again, after it had automatically flushed itself already.
When i flushed the puke down, i had noticed that ( maybe ) there was a turd that remained in the bowl, but i was too intent at that time to get my own business done to pay it much mind...
But now, after all my yellow bile and toilet paper disappeared...
Three small, meatball sized turds floated back up, into the bowl.
i flushed again, holding the manual button down for a lengthy period...
The Three returned...!!!
Again i flushed and The Three would not be broken up in the violent turbulence, and they would not be flushed away...!!!
i must have tried about 5 ( five ) times, alternating between long and short flushes,
and they would return each time...!!!
Finally i gave up, and informed the elderly Japanese gentleman that took the booth next of the peculiar anomolie awaiting him. ( ??? )
Only after i was halfway across the parking lot did i consider that they must have been WISHING TURDS...!!!
If only i'd had the presence of mind to make Three Wishes and Flushed once for Each Wish...
i could have Anything The Imagination of The Universe could have manufactured for me...!!!
Does this sort of thing happen all the time...
Usually under circumstances-- Not quite so Obvious...???
Well-- From now on; i'm going to be much for attentive to this possibility.

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