Friday, March 04, 2005

Hawai'ian Observations

  1. i routinely admire anyone that speaks more than one language: especially since; although i've been tested in this realm and have been shown to have a natural aptitude for learning languages, i have yet to master even English. This said: Hawai'ians typically speak their native tongue; Hawai'ian-- And some form of English. This Alternate form of English is often of the Pidgin Variety... Ordinarily; Pidgin is spoken by Seafarers that are accustomed to trading with a wide variety of foreigners, and amoung this well defined subset of these various cultures, they will share a simple, yet effective language-- Somewhat more sophisticated than Gorilla sign-language. Amoung Hawai'ians however; Their version of pidgin consists of substituting every other verb, pronoun, adverb, adjective &/or inflection with the word 'F**k'. And since most Hawai'ians can not effectively pronounce consonants; this usually comes out something like; 'Faug' 'Fauggah' or 'Fawgad'. This regional dialect is widely shared throughout all societal classes, and can be heard spewing from the professionals that drive cabs, to the small brown children wallowing in filthy aqueducts.
  2. Most everywhere i've ever been; it is the usual practice of Prostitutes to sell their wares in the evening hours; say-- from a few hours after dusk - to 2 or 3 in the morning. Hawai'ian prostitutes, for some inexplicable reason, prefer instead to stay indoors throughout the evening hours & sleep throughout most of the night, coming out in the wee early hours of the morning; 2 or 3 hours before sunrise to make a living. ( ? )
  3. While you may see conventional Police Cars throughout the Islands, it is far more prevalent & likely that if you're pulled over for some infraction, felony or exercise in Polynesian Harassment, It will be by an UnMarked Van whose singular anomaly that indicates it is anything but a civilian vehicle-- Will be a single blue light on the roof. Other than this; it will have no markings whatsoever to allow a passerby to guess what sort of public service vehicle it might be.
  4. Nearly everywhere you go in the world, you will find people, especially men; Spitting. But here in Hawai'i; The men, & women, & Children will freely and with complete abandon exasperate saliva & phlegm both in gushing streams & gentle sprays that resemble little more than projectile drooling. This behaviour is so common that while most public transportation buses, retail outlets & libraries will admonish patrons to refrain from eating, drinking, loud talking & smoking-- These same institutions in Hawai'i will extend these rebukes to include the before mentioned spitting, urinating, defecating & masturbating.
  5. Speaking of Bus travel-- There is a peculiar form of 'Passive-Aggressive' behaviour that may exist elsewhere, but i have only become aware of it here, as it is so amazingly rife... It is this; Whenever someone gets on a bus, they will, if they are allowed by seating availability, take the aisle seat, leaving the window seat empty. Then; as the bus fills up with passengers, they will -Not- slide over, but instead remain firmly planted in their aisle seat until someone will take it upon themselves to request the other seat. Will the Person Sitting then slide over...? No. Will they get up to allow the standing person to move comfortably to the Window seat...? No. -- Instead; They will skrunch up their legs as if to make enough room for the standing person to enter over to the Window seat, all the while making a face of the sort that unambiguously declares; 'i hope you die in a sea of worm sucking boils'. Needless to add, there is never enough room to accomplish this, so that the standing person is forced to virtually climb over the Aisle sitting person to take the Window seat. This ritual is amazingly common...???
  6. You might think that Hawai'ians would 'Anticipate' that it might occasionally rain in Hawai'i. But amazingly; They seem to turn a blind eye to this occasional phenomena. First off; None of the buildings are built to withstand a good hardy rain; as was demonstrated recently when we had a good hardy rain, and it caused somewhere in the vicinity of 50 Million Dollars worth of damages to irreplaceable books at the University of Hawai'i's main Library. But aside from this; What i am most aggrieved about is that all the 'Shading Overhangs' that accompany most buildings & park benches, are constructed to offer shade from the sun, But are constructed in such a manner to provide absolutely no protection from the rain!
  7. Has it lately come to be a widespread fad to wear ones book-bag or back-pack over ones chest, rather than resting on ones back...? That is how most Hawai'ians, both young and old carry their things around... ( on their front sides...! )
  8. Where i come from; when you're talking with someone and they interject at some point: "Yeah, yeah- yeah." -- This means that they're becoming bored with your ranting and are telling you that you're full of crap... HERE -- when someone says; "Yeah, yeah, yeah--" they apparently mean 'Oh, i agree with you completely, we couldn't be less divergent on this matter.' This may be because Hawai'ians, as far as i can tell, are completely unable to express the advanced conversational elements of Irony or Sarcasm. When an Hawai'ian says 'x'; they mean 'x'... there should never be a moments hesitation in believing that they are capable of expressing an insincere or duplishous thought during your conversation.
  9. i've noticed that for some reason; Hawai'ians love to congregate around restrooms. In any given park, while most tourists take their bamboo 'blankets' out onto the lawns or undertrees to eat commercially processed chicken or pineapple slices, The local Hawai'ians will instead move over near the restrooms, and huddle in front of the doorways or press themselves tightly against the buildings walls... ???
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