Presidential Contests
A Modest Proposal for How to Select The Next President
Should there be One ( ? )
e.g. ( If AI ( The Singularity ) hasn’t taken over The World )
To Select The Next President;
An Initial Group of Say 60 or so Candidates will be Selected from The Nation’s Universities & Small Businesses that Satisfy The Minimal Requirements of :
Honorableness
Intelligence
Cultural Literacy
Mathematics & Science Literacy
Computer Literacy
Liberal Arts Literacy
Culinary Literacy & Natural Abilities to Prepare an UnReciped Meal from Available Scraps
World Literacy
Historical Literacy
Grooming Habits
Athletic Prowess
Sexual Appeal
Gamesmynship
Affability with Children
Affability with Animals
Competency with First Aid
Competency with Magical Illusions
Competency with Dancing
Any Number of Special or Comparatively Unique Talents
Size of Nuclear Family
Then A Neutral Sponsor would shunt them around The Country,
& at each stop; The Local 3rd Graders would prepare a series of Tests or Contests for them to participate in.
A The End of each 3 Rounds ( 3 City Stops ), The Feeblest 5% would be sent home.
Before The Contest Begins;
Each Candidate would be given a long list of skills that they should be reasonably familiar with.
For Each Contest;
A Representative 3rd Grader would perform The Task to Assure everyone that it wasn’t impossible, while providing hints or Structures as to How to Perform The Event.
Such as Bathing a Cat. A 3rd Grader would give a Cat a Bath, showing The Contestants How Best to Approach this Chore.
Other Possible Events :
Old Peoples Toe Clipping Race
Race on a Vaseline Covered Tile Floor
Wheelchair Baseball, Using an Giant Athletic Ball
Paint a Recognizable ( provided ) Celebrity
ESP with Zener ( Old Maid ) Cards
Give a Tarot Card Reading to Selected Spectators
Determine The Function of a Rare Carpentry Tool
Solve a 3 Dimensional Puzzle
Chess Competition with Alternative Chess Rules or Piece Movements
Sumo Pillow Fights
Sword Fights with Crutches
Rubberband Shooting
Make a Lost Pet Poster
File 100 images using your own rules / then a day later, race to find a given set of images.
Whittle a wooden chain of 5 links
Kill & Skin a Rabbit, & Make Rabbit Stew
Easter Egg Hunt in an Abandoned Factory
Make a Stuffed Toy from Scratch Materials that a homeless child will cherish.
Make a Robot that must perform a given task, from Legos & Other Materials
Contact a Selected Person somewhere in the World & get The Secret Word that they’ve been given.
Solve A Locked Room Murder Mystery
Judge a Solomonesque Legal Case
Write a Collection of Haiku, Limericks or Prose Poems
Make up a song on The Fly given 7 Randomly Chosen Words
Flip a deck of cards into a hat 20_ft away.
Fill a Coloring Book
Solve a Mathematical Puzzle ( without a known solution )
Get a Curmudgeonly old man to do something that they don’t want to do.
Tell a Lie that A Local News Reporter Publishes.
