Presidential Contests

Presidential Contests

A Modest Proposal for How to Select The Next President

Should there be One ( ? ) 

e.g. ( If AI ( The Singularity ) hasn’t taken over The World ) 

To Select The Next President;

An Initial Group of Say 60 or so Candidates will be Selected from The Nation’s Universities & Small Businesses that Satisfy The Minimal Requirements of :

Honorableness

Intelligence

Cultural Literacy

Mathematics & Science Literacy

Computer Literacy

Liberal Arts Literacy

Culinary Literacy & Natural Abilities to Prepare an UnReciped Meal from Available Scraps

World Literacy

Historical Literacy

Grooming Habits

Athletic Prowess

Sexual Appeal

Gamesmynship

Affability with Children

Affability with Animals

Competency with First Aid

Competency with Magical Illusions

Competency with Dancing

Any Number of Special or Comparatively Unique Talents

Size of Nuclear Family

Then A Neutral Sponsor would shunt them around The Country, 

& at each stop; The Local 3rd Graders would prepare a series of Tests or Contests for them to participate in. 

A The End of each 3 Rounds ( 3 City Stops ), The Feeblest 5% would be sent home.

Before The Contest Begins; 

Each Candidate would be given a long list of skills that they should be reasonably familiar with.

For Each Contest; 

A Representative 3rd Grader would perform The Task to Assure everyone that it wasn’t impossible, while providing hints or Structures as to How to Perform The Event.

Such as Bathing a Cat. A 3rd Grader would give a Cat a Bath, showing The Contestants How Best to Approach this Chore.

Other Possible Events :

Old Peoples Toe Clipping Race

Race on a Vaseline Covered Tile Floor

Wheelchair Baseball, Using an Giant Athletic Ball

Paint a Recognizable ( provided ) Celebrity

ESP with Zener ( Old Maid ) Cards

Give a Tarot Card Reading to Selected Spectators

Determine The Function of a Rare Carpentry Tool

Solve a 3 Dimensional Puzzle

Chess Competition with Alternative Chess Rules or Piece Movements

Sumo Pillow Fights

Sword Fights with Crutches

Rubberband Shooting 

Make a Lost Pet Poster 

File 100 images using your own rules / then a day later, race to find a given set of images.

Whittle a wooden chain of 5 links

Kill & Skin a Rabbit, & Make Rabbit Stew

Easter Egg Hunt in an Abandoned Factory

Make a Stuffed Toy from Scratch Materials that a homeless child will cherish.

Make a Robot that must perform a given task, from Legos & Other Materials

Contact a Selected Person somewhere in the World & get The Secret Word that they’ve been given.

Solve A Locked Room Murder Mystery

Judge a Solomonesque Legal Case

Write a Collection of Haiku, Limericks or Prose Poems

Make up a song on The Fly given 7 Randomly Chosen Words

Flip a deck of cards into a hat 20_ft away.

Fill a Coloring Book 

Solve a Mathematical Puzzle ( without a known solution )

Get a Curmudgeonly old man to do something that they don’t want to do.

Tell a Lie that A Local News Reporter Publishes.