The Interweb is A Hoax
One of my very crazy Ideas is that The Internet is a Hoax.
And what i mean by ‘Hoax’ is that it is being ‘Sold’ or ‘Presented’ to us as one thing,
& it is not that thing.
The Evidence that i have for this, is that The Numerous Search Engines,
Notably Google; will return The Most Obscure Links to The Most Obscure Topics,
with some Exceptions.
Its these Exceptions that ( Concern ) me.
It certainly seems very odd to me that when i type in The Names of some of The Children that i went to School with, Nothing comes up.
It is remotely possible that these ( Now Adults ) have managed to remain Digitally Invisible, Or have changed their Names*;
But it is somewhat more ‘’Incredible” to my way of thinking that The Entire World has no References to =Anyone= with ‘That’ Name. ( ??? )
The other day i got a piece of ‘Official’ Government mail that had a ‘Fine Print’ notation on The Bottom that revealed The My Name & Address had been provided by The Dave Martin General Agency. So i was a little Curious as to What this Dave Martin ( An Extremely Common name ( presumably ) ) General Agency Was, But A Search for it Resulted in No Hits by Dogpile. ( ??? )
And again; i have come to learn from ‘Reasonable’ Sources that The Owner of This Building is A Wei Yan. But A Search for Any Wei Yan’s in The Spokane Area Yielded a Tantalizing Hint that there indeed was a Wei Yan in this Area, But no Direct References to Him. ( ? ) It has been by experience that Rich People normally leave a broad Digital Wake, & Here we have an Example of A Wealthy Landowner in The Spokane Area that is Entirely Digitally Invisible.
The Name Wei Yan is Historically Well Referenced as a Chinese Warrior, But not as an Obscure Apartment Building Owner anywhere in The United States.
The Tantalizing Hint is :
Phillip Yan, the son of Wei Yan and Mancong Zhang of central Spokane.
Mancong Zhang ( presumably kept her ‘Maiden’ Name for Professional Reasons ),
As she is an Established Doctor ( Pathologist ) in this Area.
i have from time to time come across similar ‘Holes’ in The Internet, & i generally attribute it to Poorly Indexed Source Code, Incompetent Search Methods by myself or The ‘Other’ Grand Conspiracy Theory, which is that The Search Engines are Specifically Designed Not to find what you’re looking for, or at least to make it nearly impossible. This is Very Certainly The Case for Many Government Websites, in which The Information is Ostensibly ‘There’ ( Somewheres ), Although It is nearly impossible to locate.
What i ( also ) believe is that The Search Engines are Suspiciously Incompetent in that i really believe that these Utensils really should be able to Fully ‘Understand’ Plain English Questions, so that instead of merely looking up ‘Key Words’, The Search Engine could have a slightly deeper understanding of how various words in your question relate to one another. This seems like something that Computers really should be able to do by now.
So what is The Most Reasonable ( Non Schizophrenic Paranoid ) Interpretation of These Examples ?
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* Something very curious happened to me a few years ago during one of our city’s Marathons. i was walking along The Race Path, & i heard over The Loud Speakers; ‘Something Something -Joni Pirtle- Something Something’ ( ! ) Joni is one of these girls that i went to school with & am curious as to what has happened to her. So i was thinking, She is Now Reporting to Such & Such a Location or is there Now ( ? ), But i didn’t know where that was, & it is also inconceivable to me that her name is still ‘Pirtle’. So; Presumably, it was some ‘Other’ Joni Pirtle. ‘Daughter’ ‘Cousin’ ‘Stranger’ or was gawd just messing with my head. ( ??? )
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Odd Internet Phenomena - - - - - - - - : o
Netflix has an truly astounding library of films & a small subset of them is available on The ‘Streaming’ Version of Netflix, which is almost Free.
But There are Several Films, that are missing from The Streaming Version, Some are comparatively ‘New’, & some that are Missing might well be Very Obscure Films held by Independent Film Distributors that don’t want to release them to The Internet, believing that they are still valuable as Nearly Unobtainable Theatre Films on Celluloid. ( ? ) Such as : Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
But others; Such as Dr. Doolittle with Rex Harrison are more Confusing.
Or The Doogie Houser Television Series. For whatever reasons, i have never seen a full episode of Doogie Houser, But now that Neil Patrick Harris is comparatively Famous ( ! ) i’ve had some desire to watch some of them. Many older Television Series are Available, but many Classic Series are Not ! Are they still in Syndication & doing well, Is that it?
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Peter Schickele’s PDQ Bach Series of Albums has garnered a Certain Following, & The Most Renowned ( ? ) Album; Winner of A Grammy ( ? ) Music for An Awful Lot of Winds & Percussion Is not available Online. Some of The Other PDQ Back Albums are, but not The Best ones ( ? ) !!!
This is also true for some other Albums, notably by Robert Crumb & his Cheap Suit Serenaders, Some of newer Albums are Available online, but not The older ones. Really. What is The Sense in that? How much investment would be required to Digitize The old Albums & put them online? It wouldn’t cost them anything, & they might make a few dollars.
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It also seems to me that every magazine in The world should now have a digital tablet version available. Some like; Fortean Times simply Scan The Pages of each issue & Present that as their online version. How hard would that be to do? The New Yorker has a very unique Digital Version which requires more effort, but not much. What is The Sense of Not having a digital Version ?
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The Kindle Fire HD allows me to Listen to most any book in digital form, But The Synthetic Voice sounds Synthetic, & there is only one choice of a voice. The Apple Macintosh has more voices to choose from, but they’re even more synthetical sounding. This seems incomprehensible to me. A Really nice, natureal sounding voice should be fully integrated into every computer appliance by now.
What is even more annoying & inexcusable, is that The Voice often mispronounces common words or abbreviations. Each book should have an appendix Dictionary of all ‘Unusual’ words that The Synthetic Voice Reader could access to pronounce all words in The book Correctly.
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What i would really like to see though, is that all books would be specifically digitally encoded so that when read by a synthetic voice reader, each voice could be chosen by The author or listener, & thus each character & narrator in The book would have their own voice, plus sound effects & background music.
This is What ‘Story Telling’ in its most Original Form was all About. An Oral Tradition. Writing & Books were always a Cheap Patch to Extend The Capabilities of Story Telling as Populations Grew, Villages Spread out & Stories needed to be Taken on Long Voyages. But now A Method has been Created to Return Story Telling to that Oral Tradition. In another 100 years or so; Everyone will be, should be; illiterate again. !
What has very much annoyed me about ‘Literature’ & ‘Writing’ is that The Punctuation of Story Telling has Blatantly Neglected Large Expanses of how Any Given Story should be Told. Alphabets have Neglected to Include Phonemes to Accurately Reproduce many sounds that The Human Voice can Easily Create. But now that Negligence can be set aside, as The New Story Telling Medium can Create Stories with any Audible Effects Desired by The Original Author or Anthology Editor.
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