From The Obscure Old Testament Bible Book : Jeremiah 10:1-6 & 8-16
The False Jujus and The True Will of Gravity / Christmas Trees are Bad !
Jeremiah 10 : 1 - 6 ( Tiny Wanda’s Translation )
Let me Tell you The Law Given to The Damp Masses by The Irresistible Force of Gravity; & ElectroMagnetism Speaks its Truth as Well; Abstain from The Lessons of Liberal Arts Majors that are Ignorant of The Ways of The Universe; Whose Truth is Irrefutable !
Do Not become Confused by The Subtleties of Falling Stars, Frogs or Car Keys down Street Grates. These are All Things Natureal to The Eyes of The Moon & Befuddle The Guitar Street Musicians that See The World through The Tines of Salad Forks.
The Mores & Rituals of These Painters & Craftsmyn are for The Exultation & Jubilation of Worthless Vanities; One Rite Consists of Using an Axe to Cut A Tree from The Forest, Then Working it with The Hands of Guileful Cunning.
They Then Decorate Their Handiwork with Silver & Gold, Then Fasten it with A Hammer & Nails to Keep it from Wandering Off or Tipping Over.
It is Then Upright like A Topiary Penguin, GreenMyn or Refrigerator with an Ice Dispenser; But it Does Not Speak Any Human Language, Squeak Like a Mouse or Growl like A Old Tractor. The Tree must be Watered by The Children because it lacks The means to lunge at Cats & Feast on their Blood. Thus; Do Not Fear these Standing Trees, They are Harmless ( Unless they Catch Fire ) & Can Not Perform Evil by their Own Will, Likewise they Can Do No Good, Provide Luck, Protect Your Family from Disease or Scare away Burglars.
Be Mindful of The Warm Glow of The Never Resting Pull of Gravity or Tingling from Magnets.
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It’s been suggested that this ‘Process’ of cutting down a Tree with an Axe & ‘The Work of The Hands of The Workman’ refers to The Making of an Idol, but this Passage seems to go a long way around to avoid The Term Idol or Revealing how or What The Tree was being shaped into ( ? ) Certainly — This passage was written long before The Tradition of Christmas Trees was brought into Popular Usage; But it is Not Specifically about Christmas Trees, It’s an Admonition against Worshiping False Idols that are Made, Carved, Decorated or Presented for Veneration — And if A Christmas Tree isn’t an Idol, Symbolic Totem of Veneration; which is Specifically Forbidden in The 2nd Commandment; Then— What is going on here.
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Decorations are Also Bad !
Vanities, Boastfulness, Arrogance & Foolishness are Found Amoung those that Worship The Festival of Lights, Roof-Top Decorations & Ostentatious Knitted Sweaters !
Jeremiah 10 : 8 - 16 ( Tiny Wanda’s Translation )
When They ( The Liberal Arts Majors ) Gather together; They Express their Brutish Nature & Foolishness; Their Stock is in The Doctrine of Vanities. They Coat their Plates with Silver from The QuasiMythical Land of Tarshish, Gold from The Faeryland of Uphaz, Then Work Their Creations to A Fine Cunning with Cyan & Fuchsia Fabrics.
But The Force of Gravity will Know The Impotence of their Labors, Great is The Electricity of Spinning Electrons.
Thus we shall Reveal unto The Heathens; Their Efforts are Dust & will Wash Away with a Spring Rain.
The Will of Gravity, The Structure of Quarks & The Light Wind of Leptons are The Foundation of The Heavens; Not The Shiny Gleam of Gold or Silver !
When The Winds of Gravity Shout through The Earth, When Magnets Stick forever to Refrigerators, When Tireless Atoms keep your Rubberbands Snugly around your book Report; This is The Voice of The Universe Ringing in your Ears.
All that The Heathen knows is like a speck of Chocolate in The Eye of a Flea compared to The Wisdom of One Red Giant SuperNova that Blasts away An Entire Solar System.
All that they Strive for will be like a damp napkin discarded with UnOpened Packages of Soy Sauce & Grains of Hard Rice picked from between The Teeth of The Righteous Myn.
All that is Great is Held True by The Sticky Gum of Gravities Desire for Yellow Suns Burning The Breath of The Universe.
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1 comment:
Santa Claus, on the other hand, is commissioned by the Lord himself. See Zechariah 2:6 (King James Versiin): "Ho, ho, come forth, and flee from the land of the north, saith the Lord..."
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